The Frustrating Reality of Not Being Able to Eat Like Others

I wish I was normal sometimes. I wish I could go about my days sometimes and do what others do. I wish I could do the same productive things they do in a day. I wish I could reminisce about the past like others do or to generally think like they think about life. And I certainly wish I could eat what I like like them and be fine with it. I wish I could just eat the foods I pick up from the shops and be happy with it.

But, unfortunately, I can’t.
Actually, none of us can.

Well, we tried. For a brief spell two years ago, I was completely exhausted with controlling our diets. I wanted life to be easier—wanted the convenience of just grabbing something off the shelf and not thinking about every single ingredient. I longed for the simple, comfortable things that come with eating conventional, modern foods. So, for a while, we fell into line with how most people eat. We made an effort to eat good foods most of the time, but we also allowed ourselves treats, the same way others do.

It didn’t take long for everything to backfire.

Not only did we get hit with terrible digestion problems, I had severe problems focussing, but my children weren’t thriving. They became hyperactive, more inattentive than usual. My son put on quite a bit of weight, and we all found ourselves dealing with cravings for foods that really aren’t all that good for us. I’d packed on at least 40 pounds (if not more, I don't weigh myself), and I slowly started noticing uncomfortable menopausal symptoms creeping in. All three of us—who used to be healthy—became lethargic and a little "sickish."

So Back We Went

So, this time last year, we began the slow process of reverting back to our old ways. The way we’d been eating for years, after 7 years ago I realised that my son had severe neurodevelopmental issues and literature kept reminding me to cut out foods that make issues worse.

I can’t repeat often enough how many, many years ago we quickly we saw changes in my child only from removing problematic foods. Within 4 to 6 weeks of cutting out gluten and dairy and introducing some zeolite powder, my son—who at over 3 ½ years could only utter a handful of strange words—began speaking properly. Sentences. Real words. Correct grammar. Without any other therapeutic intervention. It was like a miracle.

So this time, seeing the need to change our diet again, we first removed the excessive fat from our diet. I was really hoping I could keep the gluten and dairy, so I started with fat, hoping that would fix things. I was hoping wrong. Then, we cut out the gluten and dairy. A month ago, we also removed eggs because they seemed to trigger visible (audible?) digestive complaints in both my daughter and me. Now, we’re back on the very diet we had before.

I’m pleased to report that my menopausal symptoms are gone. My belly that was swollen just four months ago has started toning down a little. I've lost some weight—though not a dramatic amount—but the most important thing is that the signs of inflammation in our family seem (mostly) to have disappeared. Focus is better, I can concentrate better, so can my children.

My Obsession With Fat

Now, I’ve got to tell you about my personal journey with fat. This is something I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about. You could say I’m a bit obsessed with it. Last year, I spent quite a while re-thinking our entire relationship with fat. And I was secretly hoping I’d uncovered the key to the modern obesity epidemic (spoiler alert: it’s probably not the only culprit).

I started quietly taking inventory of all the foods that fat hides in—especially those I didn’t realise had so much fat in them. I made mental notes of how much fat most people will likely consume regularly and compared that to macronutrient guidelines. And, let me tell you, the results were shocking. It became pretty clear to me that many of us are addicted to fatty foods, or to foods whose flavour is enhanced with fat. But the real surprise to me? The problems we usually associate with sugar consumption—like the mid-afternoon crashes, the sugar highs—I think seriously need to be reconsidered. Fat I think plays a huge role in metabolic issues, and we rarely talk about that.

I’m not going to dive into the whole saturated vs unsaturated fat debate here. But let me tell you this: the majority of us are consuming way more fat than we realise. And the funny thing is, many foods that we associate with “sugar” (you know, those quick fixes we reach for when we’re stressed or tired) actually have a lot of fat in them too, which is why I call them fatty sweets. The cookies, the cakes, the chocolates, the caramel. You can see this everywhere. When health-conscious people try to substitute sweets, they often end up using nuts, coconut oil, or even entire cups of nut butter and chocolate in their recipes. It’s like the epitome of fat addiction.

Now, I won’t generalise our experience to the whole world, but since we started cutting out most fat sources—especially from conventional sweets, baked goods, and sauces—our cravings have disappeared. Not a single binge since. Snacks yes, but no cravings after. And I’ll be honest, at first I didn’t realise how much I, myself, was addicted to fat. We’re still eating sweet foods regularly (mostly jellies or baked goods without fat), but they don’t cause the same cravings for more. Overeating, for us, hasn’t been an issue since we removed excessive fat from our diet. And I definitely feel way less sluggish.

I do sometimes wonder why we don’t talk more about the fact that what we call “sugar” in these sweet foods is often a combination of both high sugar and high fat. Anyway, I’d hoped that my weight would drop significantly as a result, but that turned out to be an illusion. I still think our society is consuming too much fat (I really do), but I also think we need to investigate its role in overeating. It’s definitely worth considering. But I digress…

True Cause For (Epidemic Of) Food Sensitivies

There are many restrictive diets that promise healing—healing of the gut, healing of chronic issues. Some of them are AIP (autoimmune protocol), low FODMAP (for fermentable starch sensitivities), keto (low to no carbs), and others. We tried keto for a while, but it didn’t work for us. Since I seem to be sensitive to meat or animal proteins, keto didn’t really feel right for me. I’m not a strict vegetarian, but I prefer plant-based meals when possible.

One thing I’ve learned is that every person struggling with gut issues or sensitivities will need different food restrictions, if any. Food sensitivities and allergies are complicated. I won’t claim that I know the first thing about these. Nor have I found a specialist in gut health who actually knows what they’re doing and it’s reversing symptoms.

But one thing’s for sure: I miss conventional foods. I mean, nothing can ever replace a proper pizza, a fresh baguette, affordable pasta, or a simple yoghurt snack. Yet, I also have to admit that both gluten and dairy have an addictive nature for me. So much so that I ate nothing but those foods during both of my pregnancies, because everything healthy made me feel sick.

What’s even more interesting to me is how many people I see online who struggle with chronic inflammation and similar health issues (chronic fatigue, ME, PCOS, autoimmune disorders) end up discovering a similar diet lifestyle for themselves. Most cut out both gluten and dairy, some cut out eggs. And a few are vegan, too. Many of them experience sensitivity to gluten and casein (just to explain, casein is the main protein in dairy). And, when they replace these foods, they start to feel better.

So, removing whatever it is that our body can’t tolerate seems to help us stay healthy, to a degree. What’s more, gluten and dairy are often the first foods recommended for restriction in kids and adults struggling with autism, ADHD, and other neurodevelopmental challenges.

Why is that? What is it about these foods that so many people seem to benefit from cutting them out? What is the connection between neurodivergence and gluten and casein?? Why are we suddenly so sensitive to foods that humans have relied on for centuries? I would really like to know.

I’ll Keep Looking For Answers

While we enjoy making our favourite pasta recipes on gluten free pasta with cashew cream, our sweet potato no added fat brownies, our many lentil dips on cracker bread and a few other ways we have replaced foods that we used to have regularly, and these recipes will be with us forever, I haven’t given up hope that one day we find the solutions we need to be less restrictive about foods.

It doesn’t mean I’ll accept that this is how we’ll eat for the rest of our lives. I hope that, eventually, I can at least allow myself the freedom to eat what I want when I’m out—without feeling like I have to take my own food everywhere or explain why my kids can’t have what everyone else is eating. Because I’ll be honest, food restrictions can be isolating. It’s tough when you’re constantly saying “no, I can’t have that” or, in my case, “sorry, my kids can’t have that.”

But there are moments when I just want to eat out, enjoy a meal, and have a dessert that excites my taste buds. And I haven’t given up hope that one day, I’ll get to the bottom of our metabolic issues. I’m not convinced that diet is the long-term solution. I can only speak for us when I say we’ve tried all sorts of remedies to help our gut microbiome or detoxing pathways, but nothing’s worked.

So, I’m keeping an open mind to unconventional theories that might explain what’s really going on beneath the surface. Is it our brain? Our nervous system? The toxic load on our bodies? Could we have leaky gut? Is leaky gut something that can truly be healed for good? And, more importantly, can we reverse our health conditions to the point where we can just live like “normal” people?